When Cats Attack!

Pages for Betsy (in memory) and Pepper are up! You can also click on the “About the Meowers” tab at the top of site to see the full list.

So it’s Sunday night and crabiness abounds as usual. I have struggled with “grumpy Sundays” since probably 2003 and my first full-time job out of college. Even when I was a stay-at-home wife, I still struggled with grumpy Sundays.

I’m not really sure how to cure grumpy Sundays, but the core of the issue is just having to start the week over. It’s just the humdrum cycle all over again.

Another week of 2+ hour daily commutes. Another week of juggling work schedules and mealtimes and babysitters. Another week of only having an hour or two to myself a night before I have to go to bed and do it all over again. Another week of attempting to keep the house from falling into complete chaos. Another week of watching the ever-shrinking bank account and hoping I didn’t miss something in our shoestring budget for the week. Another week of hoping my car doesn’t go AWOL again because we don’t have the money to fix it. Another week of hoping a cat doesn’t get sick because we don’t have the money for a vet visit. Another week of hoping nothing goes wrong in the house because we don’t have the money to fix it. Another week of no lunch breaks at work ’cause I’m so friggin’ busy (or a week where there’s not a lot to do, but I’m completely burnt out from 3 months of too much work).

It’s so hard to shut my brain off lately. About the only way to quieten it is sleep, which I do way too much of (or put off too long because I don’t want to have to face the inevitable next morning). And my brain is way more prone to hitting overload lately too. If discussions get to long or drawn out, I just start feeling weary from it all and just want it to go AWAY.

About the only things that hold my attention anymore are movies/TV and here lately, this blog. I am like that kid on a rainy day who has all these toys at his/her disposal, but the kid is just so BORED. I just don’t have the energy to put into anything.

I know what this is. I know I’m crashing back down into depression hard, fast, and in a hurry. My biggest concern right now is cost. My doctor tried to put me on Lexapro last year, but it was just too expensive and I couldn’t do it. I don’t really want to try Zoloft again because some of the side effects really got to me. I don’t know if I should try medication, or therapy, or a combination thereof (which I would prefer).

I also know a change in diet and exercise would probably help. And I’m trying to make changes in that as well. But it’s a constant Catch-22…you want the energy benefit from exercise, but you’ve got to have the energy TO exercise. And yes, I know all about willpower and “just doing it whether you want to or not” but it’s really not about laziness. It just feels like flat-out weariness and exhaustion.

I really hope I can find an answer soon.

I know my posts haven’t been very kitty-heavy since the beginning of the year. I will try to get you your kitty fix tomorrow night.

Quixote in a rare moment of cuteness. Won’t you come rub his tummy? He promises he won’t bite too hard

January 4th, 2009 | Tags: depression | Category: Michelle | Comments (2)

Added another page about the cats today. Go here to learn all about Tiger, or click on the “About the Meowers” tab at the top of site to see the full list. It’s just 2 out of 12 so far, but I’ll get there.

Today’s been slightly productive. I cleaned the kitchen, backed up our pictures and documents from the external hard drive, and added a few things to the site.

I decided to do a backup because about a week ago, I had to reformat my computer because a nasty Trojan Horse had popped up and corrupted my system files. Not really sure if it was my fault or Adam’s fault, but I managed to get what little we had on the computer on to the external backup drive before I formatted, so nothing was lost.

But that has now made me nervous the external might decide to bite the dust, causing us to lose about 6-7 years worth of pictures and documents I’ve had since 2003. So I made some DVD backups as well just to be safe. The bigger job is to go through all that junk and organize it, but that will need to wait for another weekend.

Spidey is staying the night with his grandmother, so once the cat herd is taken care of tonight, I plan to take it easy with dinner and possibly a movie.

I also had to play with some plug-ins for my images on this site. I just don’t have the extra cash to upgrade to a pro Flickr account, and I’m about to hit my max amount of pictures. So I think I’ll just host them directly. This NextGEN plug-in makes it extremely easy to load and organize them, so we’ll see if it continues to work in my favor. I’ll still keep the Flickr account, but I won’t be hosting images there for the site itself.

I also added a few new people to my blogroll: Darkstarian Discourse & Diversions and Ponderings Of A POSSLQ. I cannot fathom how they are handling such a crazy winter in the Midwest. I can barely tolerate the 40-50 degrees on average we get in middle Tennessee. But if I had to deal with it, I’d like to think I’d have a snarky sense of humor like these two:

From one of MsDarkStar’s entries:
“If you have issues with that, I suggest you contact the Twatwaffles at the Unemployment Agency.”

From Ponderings of A POSSLQ:
“Oh, Fate. Not only have you mastered the nutshot, but you have this cute little way of grabbing and twisting at the same time.”

I think these two gems will have to go into my quote group on the right sidebar…with credit given, of course

So goodnight, ya’ll. I’ve got to make a quick run to the store before Adam gets home.

When they are not being the Smash Bros., Magellan and Bagheera love to play “pile of kitties,” usually with their sister Scamper.

January 3rd, 2009 | Tags: Bagheera, Darkstarian Discourse & Diversions, Magellan, NextGEN, Ponderings of A POSSLQ, Scamper | Category: Bagheera, Blogroll, Magellan, Meowers of Death, Michelle, Miscellaneous, Miya, Other Kitties, Pepper, Scamper | Leave a comment

I logged into my MySpace account the other day. I haven’t checked it in probably 6 months…the backgrounds on people’s profiles were giving me seizures, plus I forgot my password and promptly became engrossed in Facebook (Bowling Buddies, I OWN your ass!). The other day I came across my MySpace password, so I logged in with the intention of posting a “Hey, find me on Facebook” bulletin and deleting my account. Instead, I found an email from an old friend. Someone I met through my ex-husband and whom I lost touch with promptly after deciding to push for divorce.

I never thought much of my friend and her husband taking my ex’s side. She and her husband were great friends, probably the closest ones I had at that point in my life. I always enjoyed spending time with them, and I made sure they always felt welcome spending the weekend at our house and bringing their little daschund, and eventually, their adorable baby boy along.

But I can be a realist (even though Adam disagrees). Her husband and the ex were friends first before I even came into the picture. Since I was the one pushing for divorce, I was the one causing waves, so I’m sure they wanted to support him. I don’t think they wanted to choose sides, but at the time, it was bound to happen. It was nice hearing from her though. It’s been about 3 years since we’ve had any contact (except for one email), and they’ve brought another beautiful little boy into the world. I’m so happy that they are doing so well, and I think I’ll keep my MySpace account after all to see where this goes.

This did get me to thinking a little bit about past friends and how I honestly suck as a friend. I will spend hours catching up with someone one day, and for some reason or another, not talk to them again for months. I also tend to find friends in real life that can cause drama, which is definitely something I don’t need more of.

One of the greatest things about posting online is the people you find. Some of the people I’ve found are ones that I would definitely consider friends, especially the few I still keep in contact with from Diary-X days. Others I’ve read for a long time and have interacted with occasionally, but, well, I’m not really sure what to call them, especially when I refer to them by name (even though there are a few Adam’s even familiar with by now, I mention them so much in conversation).

(Nothing gossipy, you know. Just a “Hey, so-and-so got a new cat. Or so-and-so did this.” Or sharing a hilarious piece someone wrote. I know you all do it too, and your spouses, unless they blog, probably have no clue as to who you are talking about.)

(Well ok, maybe it’s a little gossipy sometimes)

(And also, don’t you feel awkward when you are talking to someone and you say something like, “Oh yeah, *bloggerorjournaler* does that too.” and the person you are talking to responds with “Who?” and you say, “A friend/someone I read on the Internet.” or “A blogger/journaler that I read.” and that person gives you the raised eyebrows and you can just hear them filing you away as “crazy kooky anti-social person” in the filing cabinet in their brain? No? Just me?)

The benefit to these kinds of um, netships, is that while we interact, if for some reason life gets in the way for a period of time, that’s okay, we’ll just reconnect as soon as we get a chance. There’s no pressure because we all know we have busy lives and it’s OK.

I do manage to find local friends. I’ve become friends with a few co-workers, which is a first because I haven’t spent a lot of time at any particular job besides this one. But people as a whole mostly just annoy the crap out of me. I find it very difficult to find any local friends who have similar interests to mine. I wouldn’t call myself “mainstream” but I’m not way out in outer space either. I’m right smack in the middle, and to me, that can be the loneliest place to be.

Fortunately, I managed to find a husband who’s as close to the middle of the road as I am. When the husband is working nights and Spidey is at his mother’s for the weekend, I can occasionally feel a bit lonely just hanging out at the house. But for the most part, having Adam, my “net friends” (CRAZY! ANTI-SOCIAL! KOOK!), the co-worker that’s an occasional lunch and after-work partner-in-crime, and the herd of cats demanding my attention every waking (and sleeping) moment of my day is plenty enough that I don’t feel like there’s much missing.

Most people would stamp me with some kind of personality issue because of that, but it’s who I am, and while I want to attempt to be a better friend and find a few new friendships here and there, I’m pretty content with who I am and who is a part of my life.

January 2nd, 2009 | Category: Michelle, Miscellaneous | Comments (2)

I wouldn’t say the year was rotten, really, but about the only thing it helped do was make me older and lose a little more of my sanity. Oh, and an updated custody agreement for Spidey…that was good.

I’m really hoping this year is better. I’m trying, for the first time, to seriously make and keep some New Year’s resolutions. Some of them (like better organization at home and doing more cleaning around the house), I’ve been working my way into and have a good start on. Others (like tackling the budget and eating better/cutting out the soda) will be incorporated this weekend.

And hopefully, I can make it a point to update this site. I will try to do it daily, but if not, then I will shoot for 2-3 times a week. I cannot believe I have had a journal for 5 years now, and there are a lot of times I have not exactly been keeping up with it like I want to. So I plan to change that.

I started with a WordPress update, a new theme, and some new pieces for the sidebars. I plan to start creating some new pages and putting up the archives as well.

Speaking of pages, the first of 11 pages about the individual Meowers of Death is available. Felix is so happy I finally redid his page, though he would’ve been happier if I had given him some catnip instead.

Finally, I wanted to mention that, sadly, it was Sox’s time to join Betsy, and on December 26th, his family had to say goodbye (for now). Cassie and family, know that we’re thinking of you.

January 1st, 2009 | Tags: in memory, Sox | Category: Catblogging, Miscellaneous, Other Kitties | Leave a comment